The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize