I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
