a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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