i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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