my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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