guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize