I wannas sexs uuuuu
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
