Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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