does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
