This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
