And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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