Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
