I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
