Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize