I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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