Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
