I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize