Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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