you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
