Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
