A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
