Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize