Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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