Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
