what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
