dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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