we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Randomize
