I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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