She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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