I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
