Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
