Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
