My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
