singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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