he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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