i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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