Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
