Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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