He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
