That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
