Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
