Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
