he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
