Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
