New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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