I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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