i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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