Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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