i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
