I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
