brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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