we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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