Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
