you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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