I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
