So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
