I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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