There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
