the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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