dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
