singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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