my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
