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Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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