I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
