Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
