go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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