Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
