Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
