He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
