his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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