He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
