Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Floor bacon is actually really good
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
