went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
