Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
