I feel great
I just peed on a car
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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