It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
