My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
