It's like God shit irony all over that family
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
