you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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