I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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