her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
