im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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