So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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