he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize