I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
