He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
