I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
