oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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