I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
