STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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