He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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