i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
