Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How does it feel to date your dad?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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