I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
