why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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