You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
