You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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