I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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