That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
