I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
