I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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