Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
