Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize