I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
