my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
