pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
