thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
