I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
